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Sex Education

Signs you are Not Ready for Sex

Many people, especially teenagers ask themselves if they are ready to have sex. There is no one right time to have sex and everyone is ready to have sex at different times in their lives. Sometimes, our morals and value system determine when we are ready to have sex.
Other times, we rely on both our heads and our hearts to tell us that we are ready to have sex. The decision to have sex is a big decision and should not be a decision that is entered into lightly. The question am I ready to have sex is a question that almost everyone asks themselves at some point in their lives. Unfortunately, not many people will be able to answer it with a definite “yes or no.” You are the only person who knows if you are truly ready to have sex. But, here are some questions that will hopefully help you work it out.

1. Are you having sex because YOU want to have sex? If you are feeling pressure to have sex from your partner or friends then, please don’t have sex.
2. Do I know my partner well enough? If you don’t trust your partner then, you shouldn’t have sex with them. In addition, if you have never kissed the person that you are with, then you are definitely not ready to have sex with them. Moreover, sex can leave you vulnerable afterwards in a way that you are not prepared for., so it is better to be with someone who you know is likely to be sticking around for a while or for the long haul. Usually, you will have better sex with someone you know really well and are comfortable with, and sex will be best with someone you love.
3. Can I talk to my partner about this easily? If you can’t talk about sex, then you are not ready to have sex. It is as simple as that. Honesty about how you are feeling will make it easier for both of you and it will make sex better in the future.
4. Do I know enough about sex?
5. Do we both want to have sex? You may decide that you are ready to have sex but your partner might not be ready to have sex, even if they have had sexual partners before. It is very important to know that for sex to work, you both have to want to do it. Don’t ever pressure anyone to have sex if their not sure; this is very wrong and it will cost you your partner’s respect and the respect of other people. Here is how to know when someone isn’t ready to have sex.
6. Ask your partner. This is the simplest way to find out if they wish to go “all of the way.”
7. Read your partners body language. If they are moving away from you or trying to leave, then STOP! However, if they are warming up to you then, they probably do want to have sex.
8. Listen to the tone of their voice.
9. Always use common sense.
10. Some people want to have sex after a first date and some people want to have sex only after they get married. Everybody is different so it is very important to know what you and your partner wants.
11. You only lose your virginity once. Your partner might not be as eager to lose theirs as you are.
12. Always remember, NO means NO!
13. Good luck, have fun, and stay safe.

Could I Be Pregnant?

Let’s get one thing straight: if you are female, have started your period and are sexually active, YES, you could be pregnant. Many people, especially teenage girls, fell that if they give it the ol double whammy (by using birth control pills AND using a condom) when they have sex that they are 100% sure not to get pregnant…WRONG!
How many of us have resulted from activity that held no promise of a child? There are lots of women who, even after having a tubal ligation, still get pregnant. There are no guarantees. As one physician put it “if you’ve got the parts and having sex, there’s ALWAYS a chance you could be pregnant.”
How do you know for sure, though? Well, there is always the handy dandy EPT! Guaranteed to give you accurate information after only missing one day of your period, this sure-fire way to determine if you’re pregnant or not is just about as accurate as that whole “double whammy” thing you tried to pull.
The only way to know for sure if you are pregnant or not is to see a doctor. There are two blood tests, one that tests for the presence of the “pregnancy hormone” in your system (which is the least accurate) and one that tests the actual LEVELS of that hormone in your blood stream (BINGO…that’s the one!) that can really determine if a zygote is growing inside your uterus.
There are signs and symptoms however, of pregnancy. Not all of these signs may be present and these signs being present do not necessarily mean that you are pregnant, so pay attention! Morning sickness: the most recognizable form of pregnancy. With this symptom, you are not hungry in the morning and therefore do not eat. Likewise, your stomach rejects even its own contents and you vomit.
Another one: weight loss or weight gain. Seems silly-right? Well, if you look at it logically (like you should have during the preventative phase of this whole process) it makes perfect sense. If you’re constantly getting sick, then you’re not retaining calories and you’re loosing weight. On the opposite side, if you are retaining your calories and eating more than normal (though you might not realize it yet) you will gain weight. As appropriate, the weight will be slowly distributed to the zygote, turning fetus to supply him or her with all the nutrients he or she will need to grow into a healthy human being.
HUMAN BEING! Yes, that is what a pregnancy denotes. If you are pregnant, it is imperative that you decide what route to take. Are you going to proceed with the pregnancy or terminate it? Are you going to keep the baby or place the baby in a caring adoption agency’s control to pass to a loving couple desiring a child for years? Are you going to raise and love the baby as your own and start planning for your future with this child as a part of your family? Those are all weighty decisions and ones that need to be made as soon as possible. There are many agencies and organizations ready to help assist you in your decision making process. Could you be pregnant? Yes, you could.

No Easy Decision

Whenever the subject of abortion is raised, it’s rare that controversy doesn’t follow. Feelings about the issue can be very strong and incredibly divisive. But no matter which stance we take, one thing is hard to argue: facing an unplanned pregnancy is rarely easy, especially for teens. MTV’s No Easy Decision is a special that focuses on this situation. The show, which first aired last December, features three teens who choose to end their unplanned pregnancies.
No Easy Decision respectfully shares the stories of teens Katie, Markai and Natalia without judgment, emphasizing the complexity of their circumstances and the steps each takes to learn about her choices. They consider adoption and the realities of parenting. (Markai, for instance, worries about her college plans and financial future). The show provides an honest description of the situations teens can face when dealing with unplanned pregnancies and, at times, is very moving.
No Easy Decision gives voice to a subject that is not often discussed in the open in such a frank and sensitive way. Already facing what is indeed “no easy decision,” these teens have also found the courage to share their stories. And even if some viewers may disagree with their decisions, their strength and willingness to reach out to viewers, who might themselves be facing the same choice, is worth respecting.

Gonorrhea, You’re Going Down

We had something else to be thankful for besides family, friends and turkey this year. Just in time for Thanksgiving, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) released a report showing that sex in the United States was noticeably in 2009. Ten percent fewer cases of gonorrhea were reported in 2009 than in 2008. And the rate of syphilis infections among women didn’t rise—something that hasn’t happened in five years. These stats are of course great news, but I’d also like to think that they mean Americans are having safer sex in general. That could potentially mean we’ll see drops in other STDs and unplanned pregnancies for 2010. Maybe it’s just me (my university, after all, happened to rank first in Trojan’s 2010 Sexual Heath Report Card), but I feel like lower rates of STDs and unplanned pregnancy are New Year’s resolutions we might actually be able to keep.

Survey Says…Teens Use Condoms More Than Adults

Correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t many adults consider teens irresponsible? As a teen myself, I think we deserve a lot more credit. Why, you ask? Well, an extensive study of American’s sexual activity found that condom use is common for sexually active teens. Eighty percent of sexually active guys and 69 percent of sexually active girls said they used a condom the last time they had intercourse. In contrast, over 90 percent of men over the age of 50 did not use a condom during their last sexual encounter with a date or friend. And seventy percent of that same group did not use a condom when they had intercourse with a stranger. It looks like we teens make smart decisions after all.
Of course, not every teen in America is having sex. However, those that are sexually active are making healthy decisions and practicing safer sex. Are teens really so irresponsible? I don’t think so. In fact, teens are more responsible about using condoms than adults. Now I really understand why some adults say, “Do as I say, not as I do.”

Wear Purple and Stand Up to Homophobic Bullying

I remember sitting in my brother’s room a couple weeks ago and seeing on Facebook that an eighteen-year-old student at Rutgers, Tyler Clementi, had committed suicide. I first thought, Oh, that’s a shame. I wonder if depression led to this. Interested in what had happened, I googled it. That’s when I found out that his roommate had used his webcam to record Tyler having sex with another guy. As if this weren’t enough of an invasion of privacy, his roommate livestreamed the images on the Internet for all to see. Understandably, Tyler was completely humiliated by this horrendous act of cruelty. A few days later, he jumped to his death off the George Washington Bridge into the Hudson River. I sat staring at my laptop in shock, and I felt the most disgusted I’ve ever felt in my life.

Before long, we all became aware that Asher Brown, Seth Walsh, Justin Aaberg and Billy Lucas had also committed suicide as a direct result of homophobic bullying.
A few days later, my friend sent me an invitation to an event through Facebook to wear purple on October 20 for these teens and the many others we haven’t yet heard about who committed suicide as a result of homophobia. Thousands of people have agreed to wear purple to honor them. I wear a uniform to school every day, but I’m going to wear purple bracelets and a hair piece to remember these young people. This is one way to spread awareness about homophobic bullying. If you’re reading this and you are interested in participating, check out these Facebook events here, here and here.
So here’s to you, Tyler, Asher, Seth, Justin and Billy and others. May you rest in peace.

Women’s Magazines, Men’s Pleasure

Let’s pretend for a minute: You’re a girl who walks into a grocery store. You pick up some milk and a loaf of bread. At the last minute, you decide to buy a magazine, just some light reading for a lazy afternoon. You get home, and you start to read. But here’s the problem: the articles are mostly about ways to sexually please men. OK, so I’m sure we can all see what makes this a bit weird. Why are women’s magazines only focusing on ways to give sexual gratification to men? Now, don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying men shouldn’t be able to enjoy their sexual experiences, but why do these articles assume that the only role for a woman, in a heterosexual relationship, is to please her partner? Whatever happened to mutually enjoyable sex? I sure haven’t seen men’s magazines with the tagline, “Ten Ways to Please Your Woman.” And why do women’s magazines assume every woman has sex with men? That kind of assumption is what you would call “heteronormative.” It completely dismisses all the women who do not identify as heterosexual. And what about the women who aren’t sexually active?
The real question, I suppose, is why do women keep buying these magazines? It has to be stressful—and frankly a bit sad—to only be concerned with pleasing your partner sexually, without ever getting any satisfaction yourself. Wouldn’t it be better if these magazines encouraged couples to communicate to find out what pleases both partners? But unfortunately, sensationalism sells. These magazines promise a quick-fix for all relationship or sexual worries-and that can seem appealing, even when deep down we all know life doesn’t quite work that way.

Come Out for LGBT Equality

The day for coming out is coming up! National Coming Out Day, held every October 11th, is sponsored by the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), an organization that works to achieve equal rights for the LGBT community. On this day, members of the LGBT community are encouraged to live openly, and their heterosexual supporters can show their commitment to equal rights for everyone, regardless of sexual orientation, by spreading the word about equality for LGBT people.

The message of “Equality” couldn’t be more timely in light of the recent teenage suicides that have occurred due to anti-gay harassment and bullying. Participating in National Coming Out Day presents a great opportunity to support anyone who identifies as LGBT, so that one day no one is abused or has to feel humiliated for who they love.
How can you come out for LGBT equality? Check out the Human Rights Campaign Web site for a list of different ways to participate! Use HRC’s Coming Out for Equality Facebook app to show your support. You can also test your knowledge of LGBT rights and find out your equality IQ. Participating does not mean you have to come out, just showing your support is enough!

Genuine Ken—The Great American Boyfriend?

If we were to hold a competition for the most ridiculous competition ever, Genuine Ken would take the gold. In a contest hosted by Genuineken.com, men can nominate themselves, or women can nominate a man they know, to be voted “The Great American Boyfriend,” based on how similar the man is to a Ken doll of Barbie-and-Ken fame. There are oh-so many things I can say about this. The first that comes to mind is that it would take approximately 3.4 seconds for someone to call this competition misogynistic if they were looking for Genuine Barbie, The Great American Girlfriend. But nobody seems to be making a fuss. And the guys nominated apparently do have to be something akin to perfect—at least on the surface. They are judged on “date-ability,” personal style, personality, general hotness and overall KEN-ability.”
At the Genuine Ken Web site, visitors can vote simply (thumbs up or thumbs down) based only on a man’s picture or by rating him on a one-to-five scale in five categories: hotness, personality, style, “date-ability” and hair. Which means, yes, three of the five criteria are based entirely on looks. So does that mean that three-fifths of what it takes to be “The Great American Boyfriend” is just being attractive? Call me old-fashioned, but maybe other qualities, like intelligence, honesty or kindness should come into play?
And maybe it’s just innocent fun—a guilty pleasure, like watching reality TV. But judging men based on the ideal of a doll

Condoms for a Cause: Buy One, Give One

Sir Richard’s Condom Company, based in Boulder, Colorado, gives a whole new meaning to killing two birds with one stone. The company’s slogan is “Doing good never felt better,” and for every condom you buy, Sir Richard’s donates one condom to countries in need. The company believes that safer sex is a basic human right. Now you can protect yourself and give back with one click of a mouse (or a trip to Whole Foods where Sir Richard’s condoms are sold).

Sir Richard’s collaborates with Partners in Health (PIH), an organization that works with poor communities to fight disease and poverty. PIH—through Zanmi Lasante, its largest project—builds community clinics in Haiti, provides free HIV care and distributes around two million condoms a year. This month, Sir Richard’s also sent rape prevention kits to women in Haitian refugee camps through its partnership with Urban Zen Foundation, an organization committed to promoting well-being.
Sir Richard’s condoms use recyclable packaging and include a warning against flushing condoms down the toilet, as it is detrimental to the environment. Environmentally conscious and for a good cause—what more could you ask for in a condom?

Teachers Can’t Handle Dirty Dancing

Anyone who has ever been to a high school dance has seen it: the core of students clustered in the middle of the dance floor, dancing closely and intimately in a way that can be entertaining and occasionally cringe-worthy. Grinding is a classic part of adolescent dancing, along with bad music, even worse decorations and broken potato chips crunching underfoot.

The teachers at Cleveland High School, in Portland, Oregon, recently cancelled the school’s winter formal, because—get this—the teachers didn’t want to watch the kids grinding. Canceling a dance because of grinding on the dance floor seems a little extreme.
Think about the first time you danced with that special someone. Was it awkward? Yes. Was it nerve-wracking? Of course. But was it fun that you got to get close to this person without the pressure or fear of rejection? Absolutely.
Sometimes teen dancing is awkward, and yes, sometimes this so-called “dirty dancing” borders on inappropriate for a public setting. But it is also a way—with relatively few consequences—for teenagers to let off steam and explore attraction to another person.
And though it may be uncomfortable to witness bodies rubbing against one another at the school dance, it certainly isn’t enough of a concern to cancel a dance over. Though supervision is necessary, school dances are often the only chance younger teenagers get to be this close in a controlled environment. So risqué though it may be, I say let the kids dance, while the responsible chaperones try to keep inappropriateness to a minimum.

George Washington University Embraces Transgender Athlete

George Washington University athlete Kye Allums is beginning his third season on the women’s basketball team and making history as the first publicly transgender person to play NCAA Division I college basketball.

Kye was born female, but his teammates, coach, school and even the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) have all been supportive of his decision to come out as male. The NCAA will allow Kye to continue to play on the women’s basketball team as long as he does not start any hormone treatment. (Testosterone, a hormone prescribed to some transgendered men, is also considered a performance-enhancing drug illegal under NCAA anti-doping regulations.)
As for locker rooms and other details, George Washington University has pledged to work with Kye to find a solution that makes everyone happy. Not only has the university been supportive, but in Washington, D.C., people have the legal right to use restrooms and dressing rooms that reflect their gender identity or expression. It’s so refreshing to see this kind of support for transgender men and women. The considerate policies of George Washington University, the NCAA and the capital are starting to eliminate some of the obstacles Kye and many like him face.
Of course, the NCAA and organizations like it still have a long way to go. Right now it’s not clear how the NCAA would respond to other situations related to transgender people. What would the NCAA have done if a male basketball player came out as female and wanted to be on the women’s basketball team? Transgender athletes are beginning to raise complicated questions, and it’s time national sports associations set standards for answering them—after all, Kye surely isn’t alone.
But aside from letting Kye continue to play basketball-and keep his scholarship-the acceptance of George Washington University and the NCAA does something simple: it allows Kye to both be himself and be part of a team that calls itself a family. And that’s a great start.

STD Testing: There’s an App for That

Our cell phones can help us with everything from online banking to finding a restaurant in a new city. But when I heard about the latest task our mobile phones could be taking on, even I, an avid iPhone user, was shocked. A research project in Europe is currently working on creating a way for smartphones to diagnose sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
Small chips would use fluids, such as urine and saliva, to test for STDs. You would then connect the chip to your smartphone to process the results. Pretty crazy, huh? The chips are projected to cost around $3 and could be sold in vending machines or nightclubs.
The most common STD symptom is no symptom, so many people that have an STD are unaware that they have one. Unfortunately, many will also never be tested—maybe because they’re too embarrassed to make the trip to see their doctor or visit a health clinic or they are apprehensive about the results. But with these chips, there should be no more excuses! All you may have to do is stop texting for a few minutes (I know you can do it!) and test yourself quickly.
Though they may not be ready for up to 10 years, would you pick one of these up to test yourself?

Being Transgender at a Same-Sex College

Imagine it. You’ve been attending the college of your dreams for three years. But there’s a problem: you’re at a men’s college, but you’ve come to identify as a woman. Or maybe you’re a woman at a women’s college, and you’ve come to identify as a man. Even if you were at a co-ed college, transitioning between genders is difficult, and it can complicate everything from choosing which bathroom you use at a restaurant to your photo ID.
So, what do you do when you’ve been attending a single-sex college, and you finally gained the confidence to start transitioning to a different gender? The coming out process isn’t instantaneous. Your friends may know when your family doesn’t, and people you have personal relationships with will almost certainly know before college administration. Should single-sex colleges demand that all trans people leave the instant they start to transition? That seems a tad unreasonable. If trans people aren’t being kicked out immediately, when should they have to leave, if at all?
Trans students have paid tuition, attended classes and done work the same as any other students. They may no longer fulfill a school’s gender or sex requirement for admission, but they’ve already been admitted. Kicking them out could easily be seen as punishing them for being a transgender person.
This isn’t a question with an easy answer. And as long as we only define people as either male or female, there will always be problems with this system, in every imaginable place.
Comment and tell us what you think about this issue.

Study Finds That Abortion Doesn’t Cause Depression in Teens

In the United States, 34 states require women to receive counseling before having abortions—a policy that definitely doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Seven states, though, specifically warn women about negative psychological consequences of having an abortion. But this raises a big question: Does abortion actually cause mental health problems? The American Psychological Association (APA) concluded in 2008 that abortion does not cause adult women to have mental health issues, and a study by Jocelyn T. Warren and her colleagues at Oregon State University recently revealed the same for teenagers. This study, which was the first to specifically research our age group, found that abortion does not lead to depression or low self-esteem in teens.
The new data comes from a nationwide survey of teenagers called the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health. It compared pregnant teenagers who chose to have abortions with those who did not, and found the first group about as mentally healthy as the second. This news means we must take a closer look at the counseling women receive before having abortions. After two studies that show abortion doesn’t cause mental health problems, why are there states with laws warning women that abortion will psychologically harm them? The researchers even claim that warning women of mental health risks may actually be harmful because it increases anxiety surrounding the decision to terminate a pregnancy.
Since such an overly negative warning may not be accurate, or might even be biased, it also prevents women from making well-informed choices. When making a decision as important as whether or not to end a pregnancy, women need to receive correct, impartial information about the mental and physical consequences of the procedure. We need studies like Warren’s, and more of them, to make sure that women are as well-informed as possible when it comes to abortion.